if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
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