I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
Randomize
