I'm fascinated by her cleavage. She has deep cleavage, but no obvious boobage to speak of. Check it out.
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
Randomize
