Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
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