Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
Randomize
