please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
I think I'm cybering, it's been a while and its more in depth than it was in 8Th grade.
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
Randomize
