I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
Randomize
