apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
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