it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
I wish there were birth control emojis
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
Randomize
