someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
Randomize
