I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
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