Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
Randomize
