# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
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