yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
Youre a pretentious asshole and im not sure who you think you are. Get the hell over yourself and the self righteous culture snob image because its pretty obnoxious.
we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
Randomize
