Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
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