the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
Randomize
