Where is the hickey?
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
Randomize
