had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
I have all the porn. Be there soon
Who is this?
Randomize
