It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
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