you didnt know i had herpes?
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
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