you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
Randomize
