someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
Randomize
