dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
I supernannyed him into submission
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
Randomize
