Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
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