somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
Randomize
