I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
Randomize
