Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
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