Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
Randomize
