I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
Randomize
