I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
Randomize
