grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
on a scale of one to ten, how awkward would it i told him i had to go change my tampon and then left?
11
my sisters under your porch take her home
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
Randomize
