By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Randomize
