He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
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