need another drink. this is the easiest way
I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
Randomize
