You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
Randomize
