I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
where does the pee come out of this thing
I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
Randomize
