watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
Randomize
