how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
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