i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
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