ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
Randomize
