This girl is more easily done than said...
Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
Sober January is a disaster.
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
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