Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
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