we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
Randomize
