I'm jealous of your bromance
I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
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