And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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