Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
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