you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
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