i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
Randomize
