I just heard these 2 kids from flint and Detroit arguing over whose economy is worse... It's really sad what passes for competition in Michigan these days
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
Randomize
