I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
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