so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
why is half of my head shaved?
Randomize
