last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
Randomize
