i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
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