So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
Randomize
