Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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