Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Randomize
