There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
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