I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
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