Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
3pm strippers are depressing
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
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