When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
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