she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
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