tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
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