I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
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