At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
Randomize
