Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
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