one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
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