I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
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