im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
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