I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
Randomize
