Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
i love accidental penises.
she peed on how many people?
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
Randomize
