Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
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