Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
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