I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
Randomize
