Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
