a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
I will pee on everything he values.
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
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