We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
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