ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
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Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
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after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
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