i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
Randomize
